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1.1 Conflict: An Essential Ingredient for Growth

1.4 Quiz: How Do You Deal With Problems in Your Relationships?

1.5 Quiz: How Well Do You Handle Conflict?

1.6 How Do You Handle Conflict in Your Marriage?

Going through life without conflict is pretty much impossible. Although none of us go out of our way to find conflict, we seem to find it sooner or later. We have to recognize that conflict can be constructive. With the right communication skills, conflict can begin cooperation and have a positive outcome. Negative attitudes will influence the outcome in an undesirable manner, whereas positive attitudes might effect a satisfying solution. Not all conflicts can be avoided or resolved. The trick is to learn to manage conflicts constructively.

Your text defines five specific personal conflict styles. One can choose nonassertive behavior, direct aggression, passive aggression, indirect communication, or assertion. Which style is best? It is an oversimplification to assume that any communication style is always the best. An effective, competent communicator will choose the most effective style for the situation. When trying to decide which style will be most effective, there are several factors that need to be considered: the relationship with the other person, the situation, the other person, and your ultimate goals.

In interpersonal communication we recognize that one’s own style in a conflict is not the only factor. Conflict is relational, i.e.; its character is usually defined by the way the parties interact with each other. In long-term relationships, partners develop their own relational conflict style – a certain pattern of managing disagreements. There are three components to the relational conflict style: complementary, symmetrical, and parallel styles.

Another way of looking at conflict is to analyze the interaction between intimate and aggressive styles. Conflict rituals are very real, although often unacknowledged, patterns of interlocking behaviors. These rituals can cause problems when they become the only way that conflict is being handled. Although rituals may be comfortable and familiar, they are not always the best way to resolve conflicts.

Relational systems are unique. There are two variables that affect the way of how people manage conflict: gender and culture. Research has shown that men and women handle conflict differently. Cultural background also dictates how we handle conflict.

Your text shows various methods of conflict resolution. In the win-lose problem solving method, one partner gets what he or she wants, whereas the other comes up short. In lose-lose problem solving, neither side is satisfied with the outcome. Compromise gives both parties at least some of what they wanted, but both parties sacrifice some of their goals. Win-win problem solving means that the solution satisfies the needs of everyone involved. We always assume that a win-win solution is ideal; however, it is not always possible or even appropriate.

This chapter shows you some skills of how to achieve win-win resolutions. The approach is very detailed and highly structured and will take some effort for you along the way. But whatever your personal style of conflict resolution may be; it is important to remember that through the practice of new communication skills, you can set the tone of the conflict and prevent or lessen a negative outcome.

Please know the key terms of this chapter and read the text thoroughly. I have listed some web links for further study and your enjoyment.